I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
