My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
