I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
