Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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