I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you would pick up someone in the library
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
