sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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