She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
