But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I think my moral compass just broke
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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