haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
