I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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