We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
