walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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