apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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