Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
