im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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