i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
