Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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