theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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