So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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