o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
