Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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