ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
