My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
