New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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