I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
