I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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