I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
