Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
