her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
