he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
