yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
