TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
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i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
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this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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