yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
