he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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