So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
