Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he fucked my hip out of place.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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