Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
