dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
