it's too hot outside to masturbate.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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