Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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