There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
