dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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