YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
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he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
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I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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