there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It's never too late to be topless.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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