You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize