Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
third nipple confirmed
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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