We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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