dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
