yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
