he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
