afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
