Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
