She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Boobs are out for the taking
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
