T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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