You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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