I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
