my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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