Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
this will be a night to untag.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
