I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize