I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
