Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
