i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
