I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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