I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
