The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
