i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
