My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
