you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
