I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
