her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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