she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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