guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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