one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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