i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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