plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
