You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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