and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
