Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Two words: blizzard sex
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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