Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
