Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
